What grieving taught me.

2020 was the hardest one yet. 

Apart from the rise of the new virus which is the Covid19- it was also the year I grieved the most.  This is probably one of the most difficult post to write yet to date but I hope this reaches someone who is grieving too. 

6 people who were dear to my heart and who I had very close relationships with all passed away 3 weeks apart from each other. Yes, you heard that right. Funeral after funeral. It felt as if I was holding onto a tightrope trying hard not to sink. 

"How am I supposed to grieve them all?" I thought to myself. " I haven't been given the chance to grieve you and I'm already grieving the passing of someone else" 

It's true that you're never fully prepared when someone you love finally says goodbye. Suddenly, the memories of simply just being together catches up to you and you realize how fleeting life really is. 

I learned that through the pain of grief is where you find yourself sitting in an empty room, never alone but with God. He sits with us in our pain in the quiet moments where we're not able to utter any word. The bible tells us that God is near to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. 

I didn't know how to grieve because everything happened unexpectedly and all within the same period of time but what definitely got me through it was just simply knowing that regardless of the pain, God still knows what He is doing and I can trust in Him. Grief taught me that God, in every season of my life, never shows up halfway. He is always present and all knowing. We are never forsaken yet we are being perfected through Christ Jesus. Trials are what God uses to strengthen our faith in Him. 

I also learned that we can confidently call upon the name of Jesus in our pain. It is well with my soul.